Suicide.
Yes, I want to talk about it. Too long we have hidden as a country, as a culture under its shadows, afraid to question it. Suicide is not a stigma, and it is time we open our worlds, our conversations and our minds to it. Doing the opposite is what gets people killed usually.
Throughout history we have seen people distance themselves from things they do not understand. As if by not talking about it, they would miraculously make it disappear. Too often we stamp labels when faced with our incapability to accept something out of the norm. Not too long ago, it was sex, tobacco, alcohol, drugs that we considered taboo. Someone had to once break those unutterable s to educate people. If we don’t know what we are fighting against, how can we hope to win?
Our adamant stance in avoiding it, is unhinging our youth today. Looking away is not stopping it from happening. Keeping razor blades and pills locked in a cabinet is not stopping them. Assuming they do not have access to guns, or ropes or rooftops or ceiling fans is not keeping them safe. Telling them to stay away from the water, is not saving them. Putting them in a box is not freeing them from the bondage of their thoughts. And if we have been failing, that must mean we are doing something very wrong. So yes, I do think we need to break away from those silences and talk about it.
When someone dies of suicide, it is not their death alone that we mourn. We mourn our failures as a society from preventing it from happening. We mourn our inability in sighting those signs. We mourn not knowing the right things to say, the people to reach out to. We mourn knowing we erred and someone innocent, brave paid the ultimate price for our mistakes.
Too often we brush suicides aside saying, the people who killed themselves were weak. It is the explanation that absolves our part in it. But think about it – weakness is not an attribute that would encourage them to bleed the life out of them. It takes a lot of courage to do the unthinkable. And it takes a long way to reach that unthinkable conclusion. People suffer a lot to reach the tipping point. But our uneducated eyes do not follow their path.
We put life above everything. But imagine the hurt, the pain it would take for someone to put death above that. They are not scared of dying, but rather of living. And that is our failure. It’s not that we couldn’t instill the value of life in them, but rather we did nothing to stop the value of life from falling in their eyes.
People who commit suicide go through immense depression over a long period of time. We need stop laughing at depression. It is fatal, considering some people end up killing themselves from it. Instead of making fun, or ignoring people who suffer from depression, we need to acknowledge their pain. Making light of the matter, makes them eventually think they do not matter. But we all know that everybody matters. If we cannot communicate that small information to them, then we need to learn how to communicate better.
When someone close dies of suicide, our society pressures us not to ask why. They say the why does not matter. It will not bring them back, will not give them peace. Forgive and forget. But we need to ask why. Why did we let them down? Why did they think death was better than life? Why did we miss the signs? Why did they feel no one would care? Or think they had no one to confide in? Without asking the why we will never figure out where we went wrong. We won’t be able to save the next person. The why may not bring our loved ones back, but it surely will put a stop to someone else’s loved one from following that path.
We have been taught through religion, through social beliefs and customs to ostracize people who commit suicide. We have been taught to say they would not go to heaven or suffer for eternity. We need to stop preaching that bullshit. Instead of putting punishment and fear in the hearts of people, we need to open our eyes and ears. Because obviously those antiquated words are not helping everybody. Obviously some people are falling through the cracks. And since we are so bent in ostracizing suicide, nobody is willing to be associated with it anymore.
When we talk about suicide we are not condoning it, but we are giving a chance to those who suffer to speak up. We are giving them the opportunity to talk to us, to ask for help. We are giving them hope.
So let’s break the taboo. Let’s burn the stigma. Let’s talk about suicide.
Amar Shobdo 