There is no art to fear that I can show you or tell you about. Being afraid is not pretty, or simple.
Fear sets you on the edge without dropping you. You are there everyday, every moment holding your breath, knowing things change in a moment, not knowing if or when they ever would. Fear blocks your perspective, colors the way you observe the world. Not all fear paralyzes you though. Sometimes it sets you on automatic motion where you go through days and watch life pass you by.
Fear is like the fire. It can warm you, it can consume you, it can turn you into ashes. Fear can chase you to the end of the world. Fear can make you stay in the same place always. Some fear in set not in your heart, but in your bones. They engrave into you, marking you a known territory. Some fear seals your heart. It puts up a wall of your making, but not in your power to break.
Sometimes fear becomes adrenaline pushing you towards things that make your heart beat fast. Of course fear can be good. Of course fear can tear you apart.
But if you want the truth, once you let fear control you, you are no longer your own. It is as if you are sharing yourself with something else. Something that takes up most of you.
So I don’t know how to put my fear into words. I don’t know what face to put on my fears. I don’t know how to contain it or how to let it flow. So for now I sit with my fears. May be someday I’ll unravel it completely. May be it will always be a mystery. Who knows, may be one day this fear of mine will be my comrade. But for now it haunts me. What would it like to be not afraid again??
Amar Shobdo 