People always say, they think about what they want more when they have to decide what they would go after. For as long as I can remember, I have always measured what I would regret less. It has never been about what I wanted; I can’t say with certainty what I want. But it has always been about regret.
I know regret is one of the pillars of my emotions. It’s always there. When studying economics, I first learned the term ‘opportunity cost’. But I feel like I have known this forever. Life would always give me choices and I would have to let go of one thing to get the other. So the driving force of my decision making process has always been, which one would I regret more if I let it go. No matter where I am in life, I would look back at things bygone and regret what never happened or what did. The only question then became which regret would be easier to live with.
This way of thinking have never failed me. I have always been almost content with my choice of regrets. But lately what is bothering me is the negative constant in my life – this so called regret. Why could I not make choices that made me happy. Fine, content, if not happy. Isn’t happiness or contentment a positive emotion to strive to? So why do I measure my life in the negative scale, then?
I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. May be at the end, the motives for my choices don’t even matter. But looking at the bigger picture, I feel as if, these small negatives would eventually weigh me down. And may be I am just one step closer to overcoming this, by figuring out the fallacy of my reasoning.
Amar Shobdo 