Mosaics

You have always belonged to yourself. But when he came, you gave him pieces of yourself for safekeeping. He kept them so safe that when he left, he took them with him. But those pieces still belong to you.

Don’t be afraid of the rain. He didn’t take that from you. Rain is when you were six years old and wanted to run to the roof. Rain was when thunder didn’t scare you, when you thought they were the light you were meant to chase. Rain is when you were fifteen and everyone cared more about being sick. But not you. Never you. You held out your hand and called out to your best friend to join you. Rain is you at nineteen, splashing water on the side of the road, uncaring of how insane you probably looked to passerbys. Yes, rain is also you and him. But he didn’t take rain from you. Don’t give up something you love for something that makes you nostalgic. Don’t trade memory for loneliness.

I promise you the first time you go out in the rain, you will remember him. That’s how memories work. But the second time you go, the third, those memories will turn bittersweet until one day those memories will become just stories. But don’t let what you love become another story of the past. Reclaim those pieces. They have always belonged to you.

Don’t be afraid of landmarks. Don’t be afraid of finding reminders. When you let people in, sometimes that means expanding your comfort zone. The more you make space for, the more memories, places and moments will fit in. And when he is gone, you will be tempted to throw everything out and shrink back. You will be tempted to ignore coffee shops and bookstores, cafeterias and balconies. But remember, you feed your fears every time you avoid it. I promise you the landmarks will fade in time.

I promise you they will become milestones, but just one of the many, only if you give it a chance. Balconies too can have more stories, if only you give them a chance. So walk into places that flood your memory gates, have a rendezvous with everything that poses as a reminder. Say the words, say the name, say it out loud. I promise they flow out much smoother as you try. I promise it gets easier with time.

Don’t be afraid of your story. Don’t be afraid that it makes you less of a hero. Don’t be afraid that you will see yourself differently. We were never meant to be static. We grow and we make mistakes and evolve all the time. Your story was never meant to be perfect. Neither were you. Acknowledge all that you have done. Take your blame when they due. Take your bow. You are the protagonist of this story and you better live it with all you’ve got.

I promise that you will find yourself in places you never imagined. You will fall from your own pedestal and you will disappoint yourself more than just this once. But the story never ends if you keep getting up. I promise you that your flaws make you just as worthy. Flawlessness has never been a quality. I promise you will rise again. You may not see yourself the same again, but reflections change all the time. Stories change all the time. So reclaim your mistakes. Integrate them into your life. Every chapter doesn’t get a happily ever after. But don’t ever let him make you give up on the story. This has always been yours.

You have always been yours. You have always belonged to your sadness and your joys. So never be afraid to reclaim all that makes you – you! Remember he doesn’t need those pieces anyways. He was just a moment in time, but you are all of time. Reclaiming yourself in not selfishness, it is self preservation. Learn the difference. And know the pieces you get back will never be the pieces you gave out. So set out to create the unique mosaic that’s you. That capability has always belonged to just you!