Love My Sadness The Same

Who are you to saunter into my loneliness

And then accuse me of loving my sadness?

I have learned to embrace what is my own.

You, with your hand full of promises,

And heart full of adventure,

Will leave with the first promise of a new adventure.

You do not know how to stay.

And that’s okay;

I accept that’s you.

But I have learned not to call those who leave as my own.

That way lies only heartache.

My sadness remains with me,

My staunchest fighter, holding me strong.

When your promises fade,

My loneliness cascades over every place those promises have touched.

They are like me.

Too often, they don’t know where to go.

So don’t donne on another name

Come to my doorstep and call me to let down my hair.

I am in no need of saving, savior.

I am not your next adventure.

I am not your shelter in the dark.

Don’t come asking me leave my faithful warriors behind

Following you to your new horizon.

If you love me,

Love me more than leaving

Love me enough to stay,

Love my sadness the same.

 

21

For every one thing you gain,

There is one thing you must lose,

Or so I have heard
21.

I gained a stuff toy for my birthday.

I named her Allie Paha.

She was everything I wanted.
21.

I lost my best friend.

His name also started with an A.

I was never meant to lose him.
21.

I was free.

I was free to stay, free to go.

I was free to be and free to let go.
21.

I learned to stay alone.

The world was different from the shadows.
I have heard for every one thing you gain,

There is something you must lose.

I just thought what I would gain would equal my loss.

No one ever told me

It hardly ever happened that way.
21.

My family expanded.

My family always keeps on expanding,

Though sometimes I don’t notice.

This time I did because,
At 21,

The family that became mine

Was broken.

They lost their son

And gained me instead.

Anyone would tell you, it was hardly the same.
21.

I made friends, two very good friends.

I went out, I had fun.

I was meant to be happy.
21.

I had everything I always thought I wanted.

But the one person I never thought I would have to live without, let me go.
21 – the year I gained so many good things

21 – the year I lost the only good thing I ever cared about.