I have never been afraid of the dark. The dark lives in all of us. Most days we let it sleep, deep inside our heart, behind a locked door. But some days it breaks free from the chains. It comes to find us. Or we go to find it. Then we sit and talk and get to know our dark inside out.
I have sat for months with my dark. The jealousy that never make it pass my lips, the pain that is stored under my eye lids and the silence that holds all my questions and complains – I know them all. I know how they can grow and expand, if only I give them space. I have learned how much they crave attention, all the time. I know even if I sit with them and talk to them and learn to understand their source, at the end of the day, I have to leave them locked.
The dark is haunting. The dark is full of shadows and doubts. The dark has too many misgivings. I have been told to let the dark be. After all opening that door is how it seeps out and takes over. But I have never been able to understand how I can fight something if I don’t know how far it can grasp, how big its dimensions are. Dark will own me anyways if I keep hiding from it.
They tell me to accept others people’s darkness because that is a form of how we show love. So why am I not allowed to love parts of me? Shouldn’t my dedication be towards me? Can I not accept my darkness of what it is without embellishing or demolishing?
So make yourself comfortable on days when you sit with your darkness. Hear it’s stories, knowing they come with their own set of bias’. Learn to talk without being demeaning. Use logic, use emotions or if nothing works fashion lies to put it to sleep. Know your darkness just as well as your know your light. You don’t have to love them equally, but you have to acknowledge they are present, even when in our hearts we all wish they didn’t.
After all if I don’t know my own darkness, how can I ever explain or expect other people to treat it gently? How can I teach them when to feed it and more importantly what tune to play to put it to sleep?